another day another dollar. i’m glad i requested my days off be mondays and tuesdays. the start of the week is always the slowest. 
today i am thinking about my proclivities towards Doomed Yaoi. I wonder why I have always liked one-sided, bad ends, in my fictional men kissing world. i’ve been like this even since i was a kid, roleplaying dramatic tragic yaoi or reading unrequited love gone bad fanfics…even now with my Death Stranding work I see myself falling right back into it. something about it just scratches an itch really good i guess. i like a lot of things about psychological horror/terror, so i do think that’s part of it.

for example, i was thinking idly about a ship— Dollman/Heartman— and what started as me just mindlessly playing barbies for the sake of pairing two characters together who deal with communication/information regarding the dead and beaches, turned into an extremely convoluted character exploration about Dollman initiating (or trying to initiate) an inappropriate doctor/patient relationship with Heartman. This of course would go nowhere, Heartman is too focused on his own task of finding his deceased wife and child to pay him much mind beyond their professional interactions as therapist and patient. This would then lead to Dollman using information he gathered and adjusting his own behavior to get Heartman more emotionally invested in him, causing an uncomfortable back and forth of getting too close and trying to keep boundaries up while still trying to trust that your doctor would hopefully have your best interest in mind. 

Dollman is shown to be a very emotional and caring man, and this alone would make him a bad therapist. Which it does, as we see in his interactions with Sam. It drives me crazy okay. I want Dollman to commit malpractice and let me watch.

 another few weeks gone by, time for an update i suppose!
new job has been relatively good! very physically demanding, but i enjoy doing it.
my coworkers are really friendly, and a few of them will be volunteering with me at a con down here so i’m super excited about that.

finally getting my health more or less lined up. after scrambling back and forth for some time, i finally got my birth control prescription back. My insurance originally was being super weird about it, so I’m really grateful to have it back. The patch was always the only thing that successfully regulated my cycle, so I’m just relieved. I know readjusting to it after not being on it for a long time is gonna suck, but I’m just glad I won’t have to argue over why it isn’t covered anymore.

looking forward to the rest of the year, june has two concerts i plan on going to! I’m super excited for both, Sleigh Bells on the 1st, and GY!BE on the 21st! I think I have to work on both days, but going to work and then a concert won’t be too bad. I’m just glad I get to go at all!! I’ll have to make sure I bring cash.

good morning from a surprisingly chilly ga.
so first things first! pretty much all the tmbg shows i was going to go to got rescheduled…linnell was ill and ended up in the hospital, i was super concerned for a second,  but hes out now and doing ok so im really glad!! all the shows got rescheduled to late fall, so i’ll be running about in october and november to see them. im actually kinda excited and dont really mind waiting, plus it gives me more time to make gifts for ozzy, so im kind of really happy! it’ll be nice to finally see them later this year, even if waiting can be hard!! but i waited last october until now, so i can wait from now until this fall easy…

it also helps that i have more shows lined up this year, starting with sleigh bells in june, godspeed you!black emperor also in june, and finishing out the summer with seeing sal vulcano from impractical jokers in august! hehe… im really really excited… 


in other news, i saw mickey 17 yesterday! it was really great, and confirmed to me further i definitely have a Thing for seeing a specific type of man in distressing situations…. There were several times where it felt like I was white knuckling my seat because i was just so enamored with what was happening in the movie. I would like to request 400 more films where a greasy wimpy little man gets shoved around and killed in various ways and screams and shrieks in agony for 2 hours for my entertainment….i cant wait to show the quigglers, there were so many scenes where i sat there and said to myself “ah yes kit would like this… the glop would love this…” we will have to have a movie night soon and hold hands and giggle over robert pattinson getting tortured.

sunday sunday sunday!
i was sick for most of the past two days, so i haven't really done much. now that i'm feeling more or less back to normal, i've been doing some website housekeeping, and working on some creative endeavors for friends. i also need to get to steppin on this zine, but i will toil with that soon. i will. I WILL!!!

the date of the tmbg roadtrip grows ever closer. i'm practically vibrating with excitement. i need to make sure i get a good battery pack and extra cord for use at the shows, as well as finish clearing out my phone data for optimal picture saving... and then transferring to other to places so i never lose em. AAAFFGGGHHHH i'm so excited!!!! Oh my gosh oh my gosh i can't believe it!! I'm excited to see them play as much as I'm excited to meet friends ahahaaaa i can't believe it'll be so soon now...bleaaaaugh!!!!!!

i don't really have much else to talk about right now, i'm back into work on tuesday, finally got a new therapist...see her on monday..nervous.
but that's about it for now! talk to ya laterrr! 

Challenge #4

Since this is the start of a new year, this challenge will be e to set your own goals! Of course we can all make large or ambitious goals, remember that small and/or short goals are also good!


Fun! I do currently have a little list of things I’d like to do… now it’s just a matter of actually gettin em done…

here is my little list, nothing in order of importance or priority.

• Finish Johnimal zine
• Finish designing matching Linnell sticker to Flans Cowtown sticker.
• Get sample of Petri Dish Science Johns keychain and see if I’d like to make any changes.
• Finish 80s Johns sticker / shirt design
• Start designing and finish puppet johns + band stickers!! Decide whether or not to make them sphinxes/animals as well.
• save money to get the TOP LEVEL OF IFC THIS YEAR!!!!!
• have fun at the TMBG shows in March
• start driving again (already in motion, i start tentative driver focused lessons this Friday!!! im so happy i could cry.)

lots and lots of tmbg stuff in the works… I’m really excited!! I haven’t been this.. INSPIRED in YEARS… i wish i could tell oz how deeply thankful I am for the inspiration i am very admirable of them waah… i’m so happy… it feels silly to say but maybe i should stop looking at my earnest feelings as something silly…

Challenge #2
In your own space, talk about your fannish origin story.

gosh… when have I NOT been in fandom spaces…? Thinking back hard on it now, I think my first foray into online spaces was in 2007?

I was a very active deviantArt user, and was on and off LJ though I often browsed LJ without an account. My very first fandoms were pokemon, happy tree friends, neopets, hetalia, vocaloid, soul eater, and just yaoi in general. My god the yaoi.

I was such a yaoi fiend as a grub, thinking back on it now makes me laugh a lot. I was always looking to rp or draw with people, and I remember spending a lot of time on websites like iscribble or sketchfu or like, flipnote hatena. I wish I still had any art from when I was a young deviantart user, but I had such a bad habit of deleting everything that it’s mostly all gone!

from deviantart I hopped to tumblr in 2008-09, and it quickly became my homebase so to speak for a very very long time. It was where my fandom experience really took off, just because it felt so easy to connect with other people, and I felt “cool” for finally having a blog which is what I would hear older people talk about online all the time, so I felt like part of the incrowd LOL!!!!!

sometimes i wonder about who I’d be if I wasn’t apart of fandom, and I truly do not think that me would have ever existed. I love being involved in things, I love being a member of a community, and I love meeting new friends and fans of the things I love.

it feels silly to say I’m grateful, but I really am.

 i type this from my bed on my laptop, laying on my little belly and heaving a great big sigh. what a week-- past few weeks it has been.

i'll be home for a few days because i was quite sick, which sucks because i do need to money from work but also i'm just so beaten down and exhausted, i'm grateful for the time to just lay.

as i type this i'm waiting to see about changing the domain name for my flansburgh fanpage...the flanspage if you will, and hoping i don't blow anything up too bad, but if i do i do have a backup of all the files. i also think it's about time to update the homepage and also use my own files for it instead of another fan's really cute graphics, though i think i will keep the monsterhearse up and just link back to them anyway... i'll have to think about what i'll actually want as the front page of the site.

perhaps a spoof of that one picture of flans and linnell painting for a magazine spread? a 2 frame gif of him working on his laptop? playing his guitar? slamming The Stick?...So many choices...perhaps I could change them every few months or so, like a little quarterly treat or something. we'll see about that.

still working on a gallery solution of course, maybe I won't end up adding one at all or going with a simple html or javascript one to feature a few photographs that i really love and then add a section for my own once i'm able to take some...oh my gosh just a few months away at this point aaahg...exciting exciting. look forward to coverage on that, by the way. my mini roadtrip to go see tmbg in tn and then back home here in ga. i will take you along for the ride.

i now have a blorbo account, for posting about tmbg of course.. but aside from that i don't have much going on aside from work...all i really do is work work work, and while it's better and pays a lot better than my previous job, i really do not do much else but that! i did join a book club that starts in january, i really hope i don't end up too tired for it, gah. i'm going to really try and go, it's held at a bookstore in town that only sells romance books! what a dream... 

what else what else...i really need to get my thumb on my finances, pay down some debts, stop fudging about with money and start saving for the future! also really grateful i'll have HEALTH INSURANCE next month, as I had to pay $250 dollars at the urgent care today, and then another $45 for an inhaler because I have damn bronchitis!

Ahh..such is life, always so exciting I guess. i'm feeling alright now for the most part, more tired than anything else, so i'm really just going to try to take it as easy as possible for the next few days and see how it goes when i go back for the 11th. hopefully well!

 Off today, so I’m taking the time to enjoy lazing in bed before I go try to wash my hair. What have I been up to these past few months…quite a bit but also not a lot at the same time… 

The biggest thing is probably my rekindling of love for the group TMBG which hit me like a truck a few months ago…I’m unsure what really was the devastating blow that threw me headlong into the level of obsession I’m at now, but I’m very thankful to dear Ozzy for making me realize how much I still enjoyed them even though I have a bit of a sad past with them/ memories of past relationships and things…hmm…

I have taken to running a fanpage, and am currently working on a zine with art that I’ve done relating to the band..I’ll post about it more as it gets closer to being finished, it will be free once it’s all done!

Eastern tour dates got announced today, only one night in GA!!! Boohoohoo…I’m just going to have to drive to TN I suppose! I’ve just gotta see em more than once, once just won’t be enough!

Reminding myself here that I need to get up and do Dial A Song for the day, part of me wonders how many songs there are before it starts to repeat, as I’ve been working on making an archive of the songs and recordings of their compressed forms. It’s a lot of fun! It also gives me something I “have to do” everyday…on the off chance I forget though…ehehe…oops…

long time no see. it has been a long, hard past few months! has it been months…i don’t know. but i’m still here, through it all…i’ll sit down and write something more substantial on my next day off, but my job has been working me like a draft horse!

i hope you’ve all been well, looking forward to posting here a little more frequently again!