monday

 another day another dollar. i’m glad i requested my days off be mondays and tuesdays. the start of the week is always the slowest. 
today i am thinking about my proclivities towards Doomed Yaoi. I wonder why I have always liked one-sided, bad ends, in my fictional men kissing world. i’ve been like this even since i was a kid, roleplaying dramatic tragic yaoi or reading unrequited love gone bad fanfics…even now with my Death Stranding work I see myself falling right back into it. something about it just scratches an itch really good i guess. i like a lot of things about psychological horror/terror, so i do think that’s part of it.

for example, i was thinking idly about a ship— Dollman/Heartman— and what started as me just mindlessly playing barbies for the sake of pairing two characters together who deal with communication/information regarding the dead and beaches, turned into an extremely convoluted character exploration about Dollman initiating (or trying to initiate) an inappropriate doctor/patient relationship with Heartman. This of course would go nowhere, Heartman is too focused on his own task of finding his deceased wife and child to pay him much mind beyond their professional interactions as therapist and patient. This would then lead to Dollman using information he gathered and adjusting his own behavior to get Heartman more emotionally invested in him, causing an uncomfortable back and forth of getting too close and trying to keep boundaries up while still trying to trust that your doctor would hopefully have your best interest in mind. 

Dollman is shown to be a very emotional and caring man, and this alone would make him a bad therapist. Which it does, as we see in his interactions with Sam. It drives me crazy okay. I want Dollman to commit malpractice and let me watch.